"I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you left them"

thoughts on motherhood in the "hard" seasons

There’s a quote from Andy Bernard on the final episode of The Office where he says “I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you left them.” that has always lingers in the back of my mind. Andy spends most seasons reminiscing on his time at Cornell while he’s working, and in the end, he gets to go back to working at Cornell and realizes the best years of his life were when he was in “the office.” He realized too late that he wished away a season of his life longing for the past.

I know everyone’s motherhood experiences are different, but for me, the first kid was a slingshot into a completely new phase of life. I think marriage and motherhood can expose the most selfish parts of our hearts. Suddenly my life was not my own and a tiny human was completely dependent of me for 24 hours a day/7 days a week. I don’t think you realize how much free time you have until you have children- ha!

I think we can often wish away hard seasons to get to “easier” times. While yes, we might get more sleep or have more “freedom” in other seasons, there will always be something. A friend gave me some advice when I first became a mom: every time something good or bad goes away, another good or bad thing will take its place. While the younger years are filled with mostly meeting physical demands of children, the older years morph into shaping their character. Character shaping can be just as draining as sleep training or feeding around the clock.

I’m eight years into motherhood now and knowing this is the last baby, everything feels bitter sweet. I keep telling myself "I get to” instead of “I have to.” Yes, there are days where I’m tired to the bone and falling asleep early on the couch, but I know in my heart of hearts I wish I could freeze time right now. I KNOW I’m in the good ole days right now. I know when I’m 80 that I’ll long for a 2am snuggle rocking a baby back to sleep, that I’ll long to hear the lispy voices filled with orthodontics, and wish I could be picking up books from every nook and crannie of our home. I won’t care what my postpartum body looks like and would say to my current self “she looks so young and strong.”

I know I’m in the “good ole days” and want to savor even the hard because there’s always something hard in life, but right now, the hard has squishy hands and sweet voices and lots and lots of books and socks to pick up. But whatever season of life I’m in, I hope I find contentment in that season of life.